Dear Diary: Is This Brain Disorder Affecting My Brain?
by Jenn Marie

I'm going to be perfectly frank right now and say the I am fed up.

In the past 9 months that I have been disabled by my dystonia I have met many wonderful people with dystonia. By meet I dont mean the number of people who stumbled on this blog or follow me on twitter, I mean people that I have actually held a conversation with, or read or listened to what they had to say. Some have become good friends, others have just become new additions to my vocabulary, but nonetheless they have shaped my experiences.

What I have learned and experienced is an overwhelming negativity associated with many of the people I have met, watched or read. It has gotten to a point where it actually hurts my heart. For the last couple of months I have been struggling to understand why this is in both my dystonia comrads and myself.

I try not to make this blog too technical, because I am not a health practitioner, but let me break down the definition of dystonia. Dystonia is a disorder of the basal ganglia. It affects movement. It by current definition does not affect personality or cognition. Yet, If you were to lock yourself in a room with 100 people with dystonia the majority of them will either be angry, depressed, or self concious.

Why is this?

The dystonia medical research foundation states that chronic illness frequently affects psychological health.

Is that why we are in love with Micheal J Fox and Lance Armstrong.. because they are immune to the chronic illness blues?

I am not so quick to write off stress as a reason for the sour grapes many seemed to have ingested.

Could the neurons be attacking other brain cells like they attack cognition in Parkinsons? Could some forms of dystonia just naturally make you mean?

I know one thing: Dystonia has made me more outspoken, more aware of the day to day, and more likely to take a siesta or two. When I find myself sucking on the dystonia sour grapes.. well I do like I do with my daughter..

I give my brain a time out.

Jennifer McKnight is a model, mother and advocate for Dystonia awareness. More about her can be found here.